Corporate Promotion

OFFICIAL MEMORANDUM Dear [Recipient], It is with great pleasure that we announce your promotion to the position of "Chief Vibes Officer" (CVO). Your responsibilities will include: maintaining office morale through interpretive dance, mandatory high-fives in the hallway, and approving all snack purchases. Your new salary: One million thoughts and prayers per year. Congratulations! - The Management

CONFIDENTIAL - HR DEPARTMENT Subject: Your Promotion Dear [Recipient], After careful review of your outstanding contributions (specifically your ability to look busy while doing absolutely nothing), you have been promoted to "Senior Executive Director of Looking Out The Window." Please collect your new business cards from the 47th floor (we don't have a 47th floor). Best regards, Human Resources

TO: [Recipient] FROM: Board of Directors RE: URGENT - Promotion Effective Immediately Congratulations! You've been promoted to "Vice President of Pretending To Understand What's Going On In Meetings." Your corner office is located in the parking garage, 3rd level, behind the dumpster. Perks include: A stapler, unlimited access to the water cooler, and a parking spot in a different state. - Sincerely, Everyone